Nobody Wants This | What we’ve gotten wrong about caregiving

For far too long the narrative about caregiving, caregivers and caregivers’ needs has been dominated by healthcare and government.  And for a moment, ask yourself how do you feel about each?

Chances are, unless you work in either or both and understand the intricacies of the systems, you are likely among the millions of people who have a complicated relationship with them.  It's layered.  There’s a power dynamic.  And more often than not, any interaction with either institution is uncomfortable and something that comes out of necessity rather pure enjoyment.

So anytime a healthcare professional or government agent says anything, you’re likely not to listen.  And this is a problem.   Because we need to listen.  Especially about caregiving.

Right now 1 in 4 Canadians and 1 in 5 Americans identify as caregivers – and that number is expected to double over the next 10 years.

Now go back and re-read that sentence above, this time paying close attention to the word “identify” because herein lies the nuance about how we talk about caregiving and caregivers.

When my mother was diagnosed with metastatic cancer,  I was 34 years old and a career woman successfully climbing the ladder.  I was a daughter and a high performer.  I wasn’t a “caregiver.”

To me caregivers were weak.  They were victims.  They stayed at home.  They changed adult diapers and they, well, quite frankly, were old (bare with me on this last one because this is certainly a relative term).  

That was NOT me. 

Except it was me and I needed to start listening.

In those 11 months the learning curve was steep.   And, as the messaging had suggested, the emotional duress was intense.  Interacting with the systems was challenging and watching suffering, sometimes unnecessary was difficult. 

But having gone through it, twice now as I had to care for my father with his terminal illness 6 years after my mother passed, there is a lot that is missing from the narrative around  caregiving.

While it is most often born of illness, aging or disability, it is MORE than a healthcare issue.   Caregiving takes strategy, planning, execution, management.   It calls for leadership and wellness in all its forms – financial, mental, physical, emotional. 

And most of all, when done well, it creates the opportunity for the greatest personal and subsequently professional development.

Caregiving is adaptability.  Adaptability is survival.  Survival is evolution.

In a day and age when advancements in technology have changed the way we communicate, interact with and work with one another, honing the skill to adapt is an asset.

And with over 60% of caregivers in the workforce now a trend that is growing every day, it is imperative that we add additional voices to the conversation including business and private industry, to not only lend expertise, but take advantage of the benefits that come with this role.